Confidence

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One of the most profound things I experienced at Togetherness came, not from the specific words of the presentations, but from within myself.  As I arrived at the conference and checked in, I noticed the outfits of all the ladies in attendance.  Some wore skirts and others jeans, many had cute jackets, scarves and other coordinating accessories.

They all looked lovely.

I found myself wishing that I had chosen a cuter outfit.  Wishing that I even had cuter clothes from which to assemble a stylish ensemble.  Sometime during or after the opening speaker I began to notice a shift in the way I felt.  As I connected with the women around me and felt a bond of safety and trust,  I was no longer concerned about how I might measure up in appearance.

I started to feel ok about the way I looked.

I hadn't magically lost 30 pounds or suddenly sprouted an exquisite new outfit a la Cinderella style, but none of that seemed to matter any more.  This gathering of soul sisters was a safe place where I could be happy and confident just being me.  The practical outfit I'd chosen for the day,  just a basic black shirt and jeans with no jewelry, was just perfect.  It fit my needs for toting a wiggly baby all day and not having to worry about crinkling a nice jacket or having earrings ripped out my ears (ouch!) or a necklace broken.

I was happy to be myself with these ladies.

I felt confident!

Even before I discovered my husband's betrayal and addiction to pornography I struggled to accept and love myself just the way I was.   If you have first hand experience of a loved one acting out sexually I'm sure I don't have to tell you what a huge tole it can take on one's self esteem.   I was no different, and the changes from bearing and nourishing babies haven't helped a ton.  As I have begun to try healing from the consequences of my husbands actions, I am slowly beginning to accept my physical body for what it is and learn to love myself the way I am.  I look forward to someday feeling as confident next to my husband as I did in the presence of those at The Togetherness Project.

Has your confidence and sense of self worth been affected by a loved one's sexual addiction?  What have you done to gain it back, or do you still struggle to see you true beauty?